In Constant Search

There are moments when I succumb to a quiet desperation; a desperation fueled by a yearning to find answers to problems I have not wholly identified. I seek answers. I seek truth. I seek understanding. This anxiety has been culminating for the past few weeks (and with greater emphasis, since I see this foreign environment as a means to finding some answers) and today, I feel like I have reached a satisfying, albeit anticlimactic, epiphany.

Here it is: RELAX!!!

This constant search of mine has created an ever growing wall of pressure that often becomes self-destructive. It has bred a feeling of dissatisfaction with who I am. Change, change, change is a constant beat in my head. Today, the beat has stopped. I am relieving much of the pressure. Although I still desire change and know that I need it, I am reminding myself to have patience. At a proudly naive 20 years of age, I cannot have such expectations.

I was under the false impression that things become easier as you grow older. I linked experience and wisdom with a better understanding of life and thus, a smoother journey to our inevitable march towards death. Now I see that all these different ideas one has on Life, including mine, are relative; the relativity of Life and, in effect, the relativity of truth.

Today, I feel a bit more whole. I have reminded myself of many important things and have reached another level of understanding. I am transforming my constant search into a constant journey. A journey towards the mountaintop, towards the eternally radiant heavens...


Now, to change the subject...

There is not much to report. I decided to change one of my classes and I am now taking Film History instead of Modern History. I just started lessons this week and I already love the class. The weather in Trieste grows colder by the day and I am realizing I am not prepared. I need to go shopping for some more winter gear or pack up some winter weight. The former sounds more appealing...although, I do LOVE to eat. Decisions, decisions. I have also met some more people and we're getting along great. That's pretty much all the news I have to report on Trieste. Life is pleasant at the moment.

Last weekend, Trevor came to visit me and we had a great time. We spent the first day meandering through Venezia's beautiful streets and visiting its beautiful sights. The rest of the weekend was spent in Trieste. We did not do a lot of sightseeing, but we did have a very relaxing weekend. It was great having him here and I hope he enjoyed himself. I know he was definitely happy to get out of Paris for a few days. For greater detail on his visit, you should check out his blog. He's great with details :-D

Ciao Tutti!